All right, let’s get it. We are live here. What’s going on? We got Brad D, Brad Chandler on here. What’s up, man? Hey, hey, hey. Oh, you got it. You got to? You got to clean those up, right? Yeah. When you get to be
50 or, or I’m not quite 50 you can’t see so well anymore that the reading gets tough.
How old are you? I mean, you look like young, you know, young guy like 40 years old. I’m 49. Okay, so you’re, you’re you’re close. They’re all right.
Close to health and longevity are really important to me. So I would go to live to be at least 110 you exercise a lot you do all the time, all the time. And I eat. You know, unless I’m in Jamaica, like I was a week before Christmas. I eat impeccably.
Dude, I want to know about that, too. Because, yeah, I’ve been doing the carnivore, but I don’t know if you’ve tried that.
I mean, I know sugars. I stopped drinking almost two years ago. No processed foods. It’s really just, you know, limited some some fruits, really small amounts of fruits, and then meats and vegetables to it.
It is so difficult in the holidays. But for me, when everybody was eating, I went to Canada and my wife’s Canadian. They’re eatin, poutine and a bunch of us like big chips. And, man, it’s tough, tough. For me.
It is tough. I mean, I quit drinking and smoking weed two years ago. And we’ll get into that story in a minute. And I gotta tell you being in Jamaica for five nights at an all inclusive resort, right on the ocean. It was really, really tough not to drink or smoke weed, but I did it did
Congratulations, man. I’m sure that is prevalent, especially all inclusive. Like it’s probably everywhere. Wow.
Yeah, everywhere, and everyone’s drinking around me. And I’m like, Man, I’d love a cold, really cold red stripe. And I’m like, now I’m not going to do it. And I didn’t have any addiction issues. But I just, I just don’t do it for health reasons. Like I said, I want to live to be 110.
So that’s, that motivates you enough to your goal to want to live and motivate you enough to be like, I’m not gonna even do a little bit. Not even try it.
So I mean, here’s my thought process when I was in Jamaica, I’m huge on sleep, we could do a whole episode on sleep, right? Sleep is so important to your long term health and your your memory and all cognate we could go on and on and on and on. Right. So I’m really big into sleep and alcohol and weed, which I didn’t know this until last couple months mess up your REM sleep, and they don’t allow you to get into REM sleep, which is one of the most important states of sleep. So I’m like, No, I’m just not going to do it. Because my sleep is really important to me.
Oh my gosh, I didn’t I didn’t know that. Wow. Yeah, peace.
So people come home and drink a couple glasses of wine and think wine is good for them. It’s not good for them and on any, any amount of alcohol is not good for you. And it also kills it kills your good gut bacteria. And in order to have perfect or good neural health, you’ve got to have the good gut bacteria and alcohol kills it.
So you know, it’s interesting, like, I don’t drink I’ve never touched alcohol in my life. Because it’s a religious thing that yeah, I’m LDS Mormon, so that a lot of people they just say don’t drink. And I always thought it was a religious choice for a lot of people. But it’s it sounds like it’s a probably really, is it religious? Or is it mainly a health?
No, for me, it’s not religious at all. No. 100% health related in my religion, it’s not so much that like, it’s like you’re a bad person for doing it. It’s health related as well. They say that it’s not it’s not healthy. So that’s, that’s why they want you don’t do it. But anyway, cool, man. Well, I’ll let you I’ll let you rip it, man.
I’ve got so much to cover here. So for those folks who are on right now, this is for you, right. So if I can be of any assistance to you, this is why I do this stuff is to help help folks. So just raise your hand, whatever you need to do comment. But this is for you. So give yourself a round of applause and say, Yay, I’m here, right? I’m going to share some things with you. Honestly, that can radically change your life because they radically changed my life. So be present, as my shirt said, Stay present and pay some close attention. If you have any questions, let me know we’ll open up to questions and answers when we finish all right toward towards the end. So my story, I grew up in a house where my parents constantly fought, and my father made fun of me hit me with a belt at age 10. He left. I can remember like it was yesterday, my mom sat me down on the couch, I think she thought I was going to be really upset. And I was and I was like, Oh my God, thank God, he’s gone. Because I was so tired. They’re fighting and he was mean to me. So when he left, he stopped supporting myself and my mom and my two sisters. And at the time, she had three dogs. My mom had $3.43 in our checking account, I remember that she because she’s told me so many times as an adult, and he wasn’t paying the mortgage. So she had two jobs. And we thought we were gonna possibly lose the house. And she told me as a 10 year old Hey, we might have to move into public housing. And she was a nurse that used to visit public housing and I would go with her because we didn’t have the money for babysitter and there were shootings there Right. Not when I was there, of course, but in my head. It was Charlottesville, Virginia. It wasn’t the Bronx, but it didn’t matter because all I knew was Charlottesville. I knew public housing, and I knew killing right. So it was a really, really, really scary, scary time for me. Go to night. Fast forward in ninth grade a couple of years. I read a book on how to buy real estate with no money down looking back. I think why no Why read that book. And I’ll get to that towards the end of the presentation. So let’s fast forward to 2002 and an investor bought my neighbor’s house in Vienna, Virginia. And this house was like a frickin wreck. It was it was like a recluse. I never saw the guy. And then I look over a couple months later, and the house is all fixed up. So I go over and talk to the investor. And he goes, Yeah, I buy houses with no money down. I fix them up, and I resell them. And I’m like, Cool. All right. I didn’t know you could do that. Don’t remember that book. That book talks about, like, I think putting money down and renting like most people think, rich in real estate by renting. That’s what I thought. So that was about November, December of 2002. I’m like, I’m going to do this. So I started my son had just been born in July, I come home at six o’clock from full time job, I’d spend from six to eight with him from 8am to 11. I would be begging We Buy Houses, signs on telephone poles, I’d be handwriting hundreds of envelopes. I’d be going to RIA meetings, they didn’t have meetups and And week after week went by month after month went by no deals, and every freaking day. I’m like, I’m going to do this because if I go to the RIA meeting, and I see Sally and Johnny, and they’re telling me about their 30,000, our wholesale check, I actually didn’t talk much about wholesale back then their renovation their their profits, I’m like, wait, if they can do it, I can do it. So if you’re a new investor, and you’re like, Oh my God, that sounds familiar. It took me until July of the next year. So eight long months to find my first house, someone called my wife at the Times magnets on her cars that said we buy houses that I put on there. And I bought three houses from that one owner in July and August, I bought six houses total. Mind you, I started with a negative 80,000. Our net worth, I had no money because I went to graduate school. I bought six houses in July and August. I think I had in October, I think I might have had $40,000 in the bank from some of these deals, still had negative 80,000. For the debt for the school, I came home and I told my wife at the time I go, I just quit. And I’m starting Express Homebuyers. And she’s like, what, we had a newborn son. And I’ve got two kids like what are you doing? I was like, it’s gonna be fine. And here we are 19 years later, and 4000 houses and it was fine.
Wow. So are you looking back at that? Are you just impressed by by the will that you didn’t like the fact that you didn’t give up? Like, that’s nuts?
I mean, you know, what, if someone asked me my success trait, that would be the number one thing for success is just the persistence because look, we’ll get into this in a second, like the business is going really well now, but it always hasn’t. It hasn’t been that way, right. And no matter what happened, even we’re going through tough time right now in terms of the market, we’re like, Alright, we’re gonna figure it out. We’re not going to quit, like, I’ve got nothing else to do. I do now and we’ll get into that later on with my coaching. But, ya know, just persistence. So, so I just kind of did what I thought like I need to succeed. So I just kept working. I just kept working.
Wow, that’s impressive. I mean, I talked to a lot of people. And, you know, it is impressive that people that keep going after they don’t see success, and but you know, some people quit pretty pretty easily. So that’s awesome. You didn’t?
Yes, I mean, what in life is easy, right? And we’re gonna get into some like really emotional things here in a bit like about how the way people think and stuff, but what what in life that’s really, really good is easy. Maybe one thing you want to do, you want to have had great health, you want to look like a supermodel, you want to, you want to be super smart. That’s like, everything is hard. So just know that. And if you want to be you know, I don’t know what your definition of success is. But if you want to get to where you want to go, sometimes it takes some work and it takes some pain.
Is there really nothing in this life? That’s worth it? That’s easy. Like I’m trying, I was trying to think you have anything?
No, I mean, I mean, so. So if you if you think about like free stuff, like love is free. But that’s hard to Relationships are hard, loving yourself as hard. We’ll talk about that in a second for sure. So let’s go to January of 2021. And I am attempting to get my son help for anxiety. And I’m on a zoom call like this. And the lady says within the first couple of minutes, you have a tick and I’m like, you know, do have a tick on my body. She’s like you, anytime you talk about your childhood, you blink profusely, you might have some unresolved childhood trauma. Do you want to come out and work with me and my ex Navy SEAL husband here in Utah, at Park City, actually? And I said, Of course I do. So I went out there. And in literally a weekend really three hours, my life radically changed, radically changed. We went back to my childhood. And we found the places where I had some stress or some trauma. And we figured out what are those stories around those stress that I told myself. And here’s what happens when something bad happens to a six year old, that six year old says the brain has to do its job right and say why is this happening? So the six year olds like I must be bad. I’m keeping this really rudimentary because it’s just it doesn’t have to be complicated, but that’s basically what it is something bad happens. The six year old says I must be bad. So that’s exactly what I did. So for 47 years, I lived a life thinking I was I was bad and not worthy. I didn’t wake up and tell myself that Nathan I didn’t wake up every morning to be like your schmuck those things were buried in my subconscious mind, which is the part of your brain that controls most of your of your behavior, and we don’t even know it. So those those thoughts caused the following behaviors. So are things to behaviors that lead to two failed marriages. I can remember having miserable times in my, in my marriage, I can remember lying lying in bed, not being able to sleep till like three o’clock in the morning because my ego wouldn’t allow me to, you know, say, Hey, I’m sorry about what I just did to you. I can remember her coming to me and saying, hey, something’s wrong, turning it on her. And then, you know, cutting off my affection for three days. I’m like, this is this sucks. But I didn’t know why it cost me five business mistakes that cost me $9 million. It cost me the use of alcohol and weed to change my undesirable state because it made me feel better about how I thought right? It created business chaos for me for 15 years. It caused me to constantly compare myself to others. It caused me to constantly judge myself and others. So why am I telling you this? I’m telling you, because someone who’s listening to this is in the same boat? Do you know that 30% less than 30% of people in the United States define themselves as truly happy? And why is that? And why is the divorce rate 60% for second divorces 70% for third divorces, and why are 3% of marriages truly happy? Why is it that the US spends people in the US spend $150 billion a year on illicit drugs and 158 billion on alcohol and 4 trillion on what they call the escape the escape economy. It’s that we’re all trying to escape our current state that we don’t like you follow me? Yeah. And that’s, and that’s exactly what I did for 47 years. So what’s the cause of all suffering? It’s these untruths that are buried in our subconscious mind, that creates behaviors that don’t serve us. So and these thoughts cause us lack of self love and self compassion, which in my opinion, is the cause of 99% of everything bad that happens in this world, name a problem. And I can pretty much assure you that you can trace it back to an individual’s lack of self love, everything in this world name, give me a problem, the war in Ukraine, the prisons being fooled, child abuse, addictions, obesity, you can all tie back to a person’s lack of self love. So you’re quitting. The question I asked you is what self destructive behaviors is your self conscious mind driving you to do? And you don’t even know why you’re doing those behaviors. So if you’re sitting there like I was, three years ago, listening to this, I would have been like, Who is this guy? Why is going to real estate show talking about self love? And dude, I love myself. That’s what I would have told you. If you weren’t on the show. Nathan, you’ve been like you love yourself and have been like, yeah, man, I love myself, would you? You said do you care what other people think about you? Like no, I don’t give a shit what other people think about me. But that wasn’t the truth. And the untruth is what makes us suffer, right? So I created this quiz. And if anyone wants it, just literally email me Brad at Brucella calm and in the subject line. Just put self love quiz. Nathan, I’m gonna go through some questions here. And I want you to ask and answer these questions in your head.
Right before I do this. Can I ask you a quick question? Sure. Sure. So when you started realizing that, you know, these, these, the trauma that you had was impacting your life, like, people could look at your life and be like, Oh, this guy’s living the dream, right? Weren’t you crushing it? Like, you’re crushing it?
Absolutely. Had a yard had, you know, multiple houses had a luxury car. People were like, do this guy. This guy’s got to shut altogether. I thought I had my shit together. It wasn’t until I went through it. And I look back and I was like, Oh my gosh, that destructive stuff I did trying to prove my worth to the world. Wow. Yeah. So that’s why I’m if you see I got a little passion around this. This is what I was put on this earth. And this is what I’m going to do the rest of my life. And this is why I want to live to be at least 110. Because I want to help so many people get the freedom that I got. I was literally and figuratively born again. I promise you like my whole life is different. And I didn’t know if someone would have told me three years ago, hey, you’re not that happy. I’ve been like you’re an idiot. You don’t know what you’re talking about. So now the good segue into here’s some questions you can ask yourself. Have you experienced deeply connected, passionate, intimate relationships with someone that you felt safe with? If the answer’s no, I jumped from one bad relationship to the next sign of lack of self love. Do you find yourself judging others on a regular basis? If you do sign a sign of lack of self love? Do you judge yourself on a regular basis? Do you talk negatively to yourself on a regular basis with no self love? Do you find yourself getting super frustrated with small things that others may not get irritated over your dog pees on the carpet you go in? You know your kid knocks something over you go in fear you know, in this in this rage like I can’t believe this happen? Do you take things personally and frequently get upset by other people’s actions? Another sign that something internal is no good. Do you have any addiction to anything? Alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, pornography working too much? It’s a sign of I don’t love myself enough because I’m distracting myself. I’m doing these addictive things. Do you have self destructive behaviors that you may not be an addict? But do you drink too much? Do you eat too much? Do you involve yourself in risky, risky sexual behavior? Any of those things side of no self love? Can you cope with mental pain, fear of sadness without turning the substances to make things better? If the answer is no, you’ve got to cope with those things. Pay it’s another sign do you put others needs before yours regularly. If you’re always giving to other people, it’s a sign that hey, I need to prove myself. And ironically, one of my mentors Gavin Norte has a six 100 page book on this, most of the women he sees with with the bad breast cancer are those women who give, give, give, give, give everything. So being a nice person doesn’t always pay off, you need to start being a nice person to yourself, do you often feel guilty or ashamed and other sign? And then finally, are you able to handle criticism from others without getting super upset? If you get super upset when someone criticizes you, it’s your subconscious mind saying, See, you aren’t that great. So I gotta fight, I gotta fight. So again, if you want this quiz, and you want to actually get a score, and see where you land, just send me an email. I’m gonna have it on my site in the next couple of months. But for now, Brad and Brad chandler.com, just send me an email, put self love quiz, Nathan in there, and I’ll send it off to you, dude,
I love that that quiz is sweet. Because as you’re going through it, I was thinking about it. And, um, I have recognized that I struggle with a lot of problems and a lot of those that I’ve conquered throughout my life through being, you know, going through certain situations, but it’s it’s interesting. You know, I’m sure a lot of people struggle that I mean, maybe maybe most humans go through that period of struggling with those things.
Yeah, I think there’s going to be very few people that could get 100 on this quiz, right? I have to tell you that. If I took this to three years ago, a lot of my answers would have shown no self love. Now all of these answers in my perfect had all of these No, but all of these I would answer in the affirmative to Yes, a lot of self love, if that makes sense.
Well, I want to kind of engage with everyone that’s in here and that are watching on the stream. Have you guys Genie? Be Evans, Jermaine? Nathan, have you guys struggled with any of that stuff? I’m assuming you have. But what you guys can talk, by the way. I mean, this is kind of open right yet, Brad? Ever?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I’m here. This is for you guys.
Yeah, we’re here to kind of work with each other. So who I mean, you guys don’t have to tell us what you’ve been dealing with. But it meant who kind of feels like that’s happened to them?
Me? Definitely. My, my husband and I, we have a healing center in New York City. So he’s a is an intuitive healer, acupuncture doctor at acupuncture and has a lot of different trauma modalities. So yeah, it’s really interesting, because I listened to your When did last time that you were on the show. And I remember that I wrote down. That was the first time I heard of caper Matej. There. Yeah, yeah. That you spoke about. Yeah. And it was really interesting, because he was watching a documentary on him the the other day, and I started listening to it. And I said, Oh, my God, it’s like, it’s exactly where, like, I’m at, like, in our relationship right now. Because, you know, he keeps doing this deep work. And he’s not addressing, you know, a lot of that responsibility from, you know, Mother feeling responsibility for her happiness and stuff like that. So it’s really splashing over into my relationship. And that’s where like speaking about divorce right now, because it’s like that bad.
So what is your first name? Jeanne, Jamie, so I really appreciate you speaking up and being vulnerable. I really, really appreciate it. Does your husband want to change?
You know, what, I think? I don’t think I think he’s had so much opportunity to, and I think it’s just he, he can’t
Yeah, cuz if he wants to change, he can change for sure. It’s, it’s a process and what I’ll get to in a second, but I mean, you just have to go back to your childhood, you have to look at these lies that we all tell ourselves and tell ourselves the truth. Right. Did you did you say here that you guys own together a trauma center or a Wellness Center?
Yeah, I mean, we opened it together, like at a different location, like 10 years ago. And I do a lot of different modalities, but it’s not my you know, like, I just do it mostly as a hobby. I’m very good at like ancestral clearings, and I’m trained in a lot of different modalities. But I don’t do it as as my profession we have, like sensory deprivation rooms there we have a pocket.
Okay, she broke up.
Okay. So she, she’s gonna like, Yeah, I’m going to tie in something that she just said is really
the message or message is perfect for for what’s going on. Right?
Yeah. So um, so does anyone want to guess why I owned 100 houses at any given time over these last 20 years? And why I read that book when I was in ninth grade. Can any? Can anyone tie that back using the subconscious, so
um, so does anyone want to guess why I owned 100 houses at any given time over these last 20 years? And why I read that book when I was in ninth grade. Can any? Can anyone tie that back using the subconscious, so
Absolutely. So that was one thing, but what I was thinking more is that my subconscious mind drove that behavior. If I moved into public housing, I may die. So what’s your one thing in your in your? What is the subconscious brain responsible for it’s keeping you alive? It doesn’t care if you’re happy or sad. So to me, I’m this 10 year old boy and if I move into public housing, I might I may die, why would have to move into public housing? Well, if my house is taking taken from me, so if I own a bunch of houses, I won’t have I won’t die, I’ll be alive. So my subconscious mind drove my behavior around that it drove my my behavior, business mistakes. It drove my behavior two years ago I bought a yacht 42 foot yacht, I’d never owned a boat my life. And I’m like, I’m gonna take this to the Bahamas, I didn’t even know how to read a chart. I made it to the Florida Keys. And then I had my transformation, I wouldn’t got the boat and brought it back. Now, I love boating. So that was one one thing positive. It also it also allowed me or led me that subconscious to to pick my two wives. My two wives were very much like my father who created my trauma, and then just countless other things. So unwhole people, and unknown people hurt people. I mean, it’s someone that I used to be somewhat, someone who lacks self love is what I call an All right, I don’t like to use the word broken, because none of us are broken. We’re like a pizza, right? And you can’t have a broken pizza. It’s more on hold the pizzas there, we just don’t have the whole thing there. So an unhappy person who deals with this stuff is always gonna go find another unwhole person, right? They’re not going to find someone who’s enlightened. And then guess what they do? They have unwhole offspring. And then we just repeat this. So Jeannie, you were talking about? Oh, yeah. Generation of modality.
No mirror relationship?
Yeah, yeah. So so what we’re involved in is we’re involved in this multi generational curse, our parents didn’t wake up one day and say, Hey, I’m going to screw up little Johnny, they screwed us up, because their parents and their parents and their parents, and this is no blame. This is not to blame anyone, but it’s to shine a light of awareness on your situation, you have to see that most of us have this invisible prison that we’re locked in from childhood. And the only way that you can change is through awareness. So you have to be aware, you have to go back and look. And the greatest gift that you can ever give your child is to break this multi generational curse. And how do you do that? You do that by number one, first starting to love yourself and have self compassion. And you do that by going back to the modality that I use Genie is I use hypnosis. So in the third session of a five week program, we actually take two hours, and we do hypnosis session. And what does that do? It allows me to tap into your subconscious brain, that is the driver of all this crazy behavior. And so when we can, when we can talk to the subconscious brain, your subconscious brain is so powerful, it knows the exact reason and the cause of, again, why you eat too much, why your marriage is shitty, why you use drugs, all this stuff, you ask your subconscious mind, it’s going to know exactly what it is. And so we dive in into the subconscious mind. And then we use something science, it’s called neuroplasticity, you’ve been telling yourself, we’ve been telling ourselves all along, I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, I don’t belong, I can never get what I want. These are all just lies, right? So neuroplasticity is just basically listening to a recording that I make at the end of the hypnosis session. And then you listen to that in an alpha, wave brain state as you’re going to sleep each night. And your brain is literally capable of growing new neural pathways, so that you can believe something different. And that’s what happened to me, I went for 47 years of saying, I’m not enough. And that subconscious mind driving all of this negative behavior, all the millions of dollars of losses and the drug and alcohol, the my two failed marriages. Now, I’ve reprogrammed my brain to believe the truth. And that’s like, you know what, I was enough. I always was enough, I’ll always be enough. And that’s the same story you have your enough, you will always work enough. And you’ll always be enough. And when you can believe that truth, everything in your life will change.
But what do you do? Like for example? Yeah, I know, it’s about awareness. And so my son turned my son turned 18, he’s 18. Today, what do you do when you see now, you know, all that damage that, you know, has been done, and him in a very, very, very, very bad state? And then, you know, just also there’s some physiological things going on with him. So everything’s like No, and, you know, aggressive and everything because of, you know, some chemical stuff that’s going on, which we’re trying to address in his body. But so then what do you do with that?
So you have got to when when clients come to me, and they talk about their kids issues, I always tell them that if you really want your kids to heal, you got to do the work yourself. If you go, let’s say that you magically sent your son away to a treatment center and in my house, let’s just say Kim comes in my house for a week and I completely transform it. If I put that child back in the same environment that caused this without any anything changing, he’s going to revert like that. So the number one thing I tell people is if your kid has behavioral problems, or any type of like mental health issues, the first place you should look, go go to your bathroom mirror and look in the mirror. Now again, this isn’t to blame. This is you and your husband did the best that you could do given what you know, now you have a new sense of awareness. So you have to start by getting yourself healthy. I have two kids. I’ve been a single dad for 11 years. I have a 15 year old and a 20 year old. Both of them have behavioral issues. So what am I Doing I’m just continuing to pour out My love and continue to get myself better. I now know exactly the cause of their problems. They know exactly how to fix them. Now it’s just a matter of when are they ready to actually do the work and change? Does that make sense?
Yeah, I mean, it gets a little complicated because my, my husband now is not his father, but, but he lives next door. We live in New York City, and he’s one apartment building down. So it’s like a four minute walk. But it’s it’s very difficult.
So this is a book. This is a 600 page book I referenced by the person you mentioned Dr. Gabor Ma Tei. And a couple of things about what you said about your son’s chemical thing. Him, Dr. Gabor Matej. And this, Harvard? Well, let me tell you about what gabaar says. Gobber says he’s pretty much everything comes down to unmet childhood needs. When I say everything, anxiety, Ms. Cancer, a personality disorder, anything you can name, it comes down to our unmet childhood needs. Judith Herman, who was it was a Harvard psychologist wrote a book back in 1991. That said, there’s only really one psychiatric psychiatric diagnosis in the world. And that’s complex post traumatic stress syndrome. So your son, most likely, unless he’s the 1,000,000th, of 1%, wasn’t born with any chemical imbalance in his head. In his brain, his issues are directly a result of the trauma that he endured through his
Yeah, I agree. Totally.
So because there’s very few, I mean, they that peep, doctors want to tell you that you have like depression or different serotonin levels, there’s no way to test for that. So if there’s no way for a test to how can they ever say it’s a chemical imbalance? It’s not a chemical imbalance, it’s the coping.
It’s not a chemical imbalance, but it’s just like, you know, like, they can tell, like in your blood, and also, like they did some genetics that they can see, you know, like, for example, he has the gene where, you know, he doesn’t process alcohol. Well, right. He doesn’t detox alcohol well, so you know, if he goes and parties on the weekend, you know, four days later, it’s really like affecting him, you know, things like that. But also, he’s not getting enough nutrition in his body and snores
my son, Ali Ali Ali eats is like processed foods. And yeah, and meat.
Yeah. Oh, no, Yeah. Oh, no,he doesn’t eat. So I mean, there’s just like, you know, and then, you know, like, it’s awkward, but he had limes, and a lot of all this other stuff going on in his body, my son has line. So we’re trying to, we’re just trying to balance all that out. But because I tell him to take something physically, you know, he’s against it. And I’ve done a lot of like, woowoo stuff with him when he was little. So now like, anything, energetically, he’s just like, aggressive.
My best advice I can I can give you is to, for the caregivers in his life to do the work and try to get yourself as healthy as possible. That’s the best thing you can do for that kid.
Yeah, so it’s not too late, then Brad.
It’s never too late. It’s never too late. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different. It’s never too late. That kid could have a marvelous every one of us with poor put here for massive mission. It’s really, really hard to define your purpose when you’re struggling for yourself or when I figured out my worthiness and stop telling myself lies. My purpose came the right away. I know I was put here to do this work. And so that’s all I spend my time on. Now. If I’m not spending time with my kids, I’ve read 40 books in the last few years I’ve studied under what I think are three of the best people in the world in this in this business. Yeah, and my purpose is clear as ever,
dude, I love it. I love it and actually because of your recommendation, I have been reading that bad boy scattered minds by your your mentor, amazing book talking about raising, you know, raising and being present when you’re around people, which is a which is amazing.
Well, I’m glad you brought that up because that book is one of Gabor’s metate the whole book is on Add right ADD and ADHD and if you go to the doctor, what do they want to do with your child? They want to label them diagnose him and feed them drugs right he’s like that he’s like your child was not born with add your child was not born with ADHD. What happens when that six year old I should I probably have I had a I had a chemistry teacher told me I had a three second attention span. So when my when my dad’s hitting me with a belt, what am I going to do? Am I going to be like sitting there like laughing enjoying it being present? No. My mind is my mind is going to my mind is going to disconnect. It’s going to disassociate is what the terminology is. I’m not going to be there like I’m going to be like I need to protect myself. I’m going to elsewhere. That’s all that is. I mean, you’re reading the book. I’ve not read the book yet but I’ve
Yeah, it’s amazing. Yeah, exactly. What you’re saying is you disassociate as a defense mechanism that your brain and it develops that way. Right. So and gab or talks about is it gab or is that right? Yeah, yeah, boy. Yeah. Yeah. Boredom attacks. So Gab, where he talks about how you can actually learn to pay attention. It’s not like something that’s gone forever. It’s like you just have to relearn how to be present, pay attention, and that’s something I’ve had to do and Before I have kids, eventually I really want to be able to be there. Because they say, when child rearing and raising kids is you really, you got to let them know not without even saying it, you got to show them that you want to be with them not, you know, just in the same room. That’s how I grew up a lot. It was just a lot of being in the same house. And that’s kind of what I think everybody was taught, like, hey, if we’re in the same house, not interacting or being present with each other, that’s fine. And then I got married to my wife, and I’m in the house. And she’s like, Hey, can you connect with me? And I’m like, What are you talking about? I’m, I’m in the other room where what’s going on here? Like, and I was thinking she was needy. But as I’ve been reading books and go into therapy, it’s like, oh, wow, like you, you really got to be present with people in order for them to you to develop that that love and connection, especially with children. So it’s really good book.
Yeah. And Gabor has an amazing book that he wrote with his son, his adult son called, like holding on to your kids. And I would recommend anyone who has a child or is going to have a child read that book, because it tells you why all of our kids are so messed up. But but go let me let me step back, you said something that was really insightful, you said, You’ve got to relearn to be present. And that’s what really add is, well, here’s the deal is trauma takes you out of the present. Trauma keeps you in the past. So 1000s of years ago, millions of years ago, when you when you shook that Bush and the lion bit your arm, your subconscious mind is never going to forget that it doesn’t because again, it needs to keep you alive. So if you get near a bush, you don’t shake the bush again, right. So your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between yesterday or when you were two years old. So for you, Nathan, for anyone. But I’m just going to give you an example. If you haven’t done the work, if you haven’t gone back and done the work in terms of identifying what your pain was and what your story was from the past, you are still operating in a fight or flight mode. So most of your thinking is tied to the past. So the number one way you become present, is you detach from your past by by telling yourself the truth that I no longer need mommy’s love. Or if daddy hits me with a belt, he’s never going to hit me again. So I can break from this fight or flight mode. And for people who are in business neuroscience says that 75% of the time we’re stuck in this fight or flight mode, because of all of our past traumas. So think about how, how creative Could you be coming up with a marketing postcard? If you had a lion chasing you? You couldn’t write. So if you’re if you’re in a creative 75%, and one of the ways a hack around that is UCLA did this study where they had participants and they put they hook them up to brainwaves. And they showed them pictures of people in different states mad, angry, sad. And when they showed them the picture, it immediately immediately triggered their fight or flight amygdala brain right? They then ask them, Can you please describe what you’re seeing. And as soon as they said, I think Sally is sad, it flipped them out of their fight or flight because their thinking brain their frontal prefrontal cortex had to kick in, and it flipped them out of there. So what do I teach my clients and my students or anybody is when when you have a negative emotion, one, first of all, embrace it, because it’s your body’s alarm system, saying something inside isn’t right. So embrace it, pause, identify the emotion, don’t say I am sad, because you’re giving it an identity and identity is last say I am feeling sad, because Feelings come and go. As soon as you say I’m feeling sad, your brain is gonna go from fight or flight into the thinking brain. So it’s going to calm you down. And then no matter what the what it is, you need to have compassion for yourself. Because most of us as kids didn’t get compassion. When we when we tried to show our emotions, we had to stop them down the crest, that’s where depression comes from. So pause, identify the emotion, give yourself compassion. And then you can look at where did this emotion come from, because every argument that you have with your spouse, your girlfriend, your significant other, it has nothing to do with the actual argument at hand. It’s that brain, that subconscious brain going back to the shaking Bush, it’s going back to a time in your life, when someone made you feel a certain way. And now you’re bringing that story into the present. So I’ve got this, I created this emotional tracker, if you go to Brad chandler.com, Forbes, that tracker, you can literally use this, make a copy of it and keep it on your phone. It’s a Google Doc, and you can literally track it, you can track your process, but on the top of it, it has everything I just said it’s like, you know, pause, identify the emotion, give yourself compassion, figure out where it came from. And then if you have a spouse or a partner that is into healing and growing, this is a great time for you to say, Hey, Sally, or Hey, Johnny, what you said to me, just made me feel this way. Can we process it? And then when you process it, you not only heal yourself, but you grow closer together as a couple because let me tell you I went to enough marriage counselors sessions to know this. Marriage is never about the the problem never resides in the relationship itself. It’s always the relationship that each party has with themselves. That’s what destroys marriages and relationships. Yeah, yeah, that’s correct.
I’m going to take your since you’re in the discord with the group, I’m going to take that link and put it next to your your, your name and stuff so people can like I’m going to start doing that with resources. So I’ll put that in there for you. The tracker right Brad chandler.com forward slash,
emotional tracker, it can change your life. If you Use it. It can change your life. And if you if you’re using it, you’re like, Well, I have trouble here, schedule a call with me. I’ll help you out.
Wow, man, you’ve been dropping some great gold nuggets a gems for us. I see Nathan, he’s smiling. I think he’s having a good time.
I’ve had to keep myself on mute because I like love. I didn’t really know too much what what we’re kind of, you know, going to be going in deep on today and really chatting about and I mean, you know, from the start, when we’re talking a little bit about health, I like oh my gosh, I’d love to jump into that. And then you know, everything to talk about with the self love, and oh my gosh, I could just listen for kind of hours on on this topic, because I think it’s so powerful. And it it took the funny thing was I originally when when, you know, especially when first getting into the real estate world, I was always like, Nah, are all kinda we have talked about, like, I just want to hear what’s what’s the strategies, you know, what’s, what’s the business, you know, what’s this? What’s that? And then it took me a really long time realize no, no, no, no, this is the most important stuff because this this is the foundation that impacts everything, you know, it you know, when it comes to, you know, relating it to business and real estate, you know, the the actions, behaviors and habits and kind of all those things that incorporate, you know, how do we kind of achieve whatever result we’re going after? It starts with exactly what you’re talking about, you know, so when people aren’t getting the results they’re looking for, it’s not like, oh, do I need to change? Like, do I need to do postcards instead of cold calling? It’s like, go all the way back to here what you’re talking about?
Yes, yes, the navy seal that took me through the ex Navy SEAL took me through this, you know how it started. He was coaching CEOs, and they’re like, what’s wrong with my company? And he is, nothing’s wrong with your company. What’s wrong is you between your ears. So check this out in my shift. Now, in these last two years, I look, I don’t need to prove anything, right. And that’s where you get your freedom from when you can be your authentic self 100% of the time, because you don’t I don’t care if people judge me now, because I know it’s there. They’re judging themselves, not me. So I have shifted from I’ve got to go make a gazillion dollars to prove my worth to No, I don’t need to prove anything, I want to make an impact in this world. So everything in my company has shifted, my team has shifted, my culture shifted, I’m trying to make an impact. So I’m coaching my my folks, you know, one virtual assistant of mine had had anxiety terribly, she would sleep like two, three hours a night, she had terrible migraines, she had a bad relationship with her husband and our inner son in three, one hour session, it completely changed, right? So what I’m getting at is that I made a shift from going to try to make a bunch of money to prove my worth to how can I make an impact, and we just had one of our best years financially in what arguably is last quarter was like the worst quarter and you know, in 10 years. So think about this as an entrepreneur, a lot of us get an entrepreneur, because we want to make a lot of money. Money will not bring you happiness, nothing outside of yourself, wherever bring you happiness, you have everything that you need right now to bring you happiness. So once you can make the shift of you are enough and believe in the truth. First of all, everything in your life will change. But you’re looking at your business in a different way. Because for 17 years in my business, I created chaos on a daily basis. Let’s go to this market. Let’s try this new thing. Let’s do this. Because Warren, I was trying to distract myself from not liking myself. And number two, if I could only do that if I could go to Virginia Beach and open this market, I might be worthy that I wake up saying that I started at Keller Williams team in 2008. You will my goal was to be the first agent team to do a billion dollars in a year. Now looking back I see why. What kind of harebrained idea was that so what did I focus on? I focus on top line revenue, we got to be the number one Keller Williams team in North America. And guess what it costs us it probably cost me a million dollars, and we shut it and we shut it down. So these are the All of these things that I’m talking about? Well about your behavior is driven by thoughts that you don’t even know why you’re doing these things. And the best way to figure those out is through this process of hypnosis where we where we access your subconscious brain.
Brad, when you talk about hypnosis, I don’t know anything about hypnosis other than it sounds, I’m just not trying to root sounds wacky. Is that? Is that something that you fell it or were you like, completely, like cool with it.
So my goal was to be the best if not the number one transformation coach in the world. Why not to make a bunch of money, but because if I’m the best, it means I’m helping a lot of people, right? So I am going to do anything in my power. And in life toolkit. I’m going to put anything in my toolkit that I can think can help psychedelics if they become legal, and I think they’ll help I’ll look into that I’ll become certified that hypnosis. What most people think of hypnosis is you know, if they were at college or at high school and the guy goes in stage and you know the people are on stage chasing the mice around. It’s nothing like that. Human beings all have the ability that way. I don’t hypnotize anyone, they hypnotize themselves. It’s called self hypnosis. That’s kind of a misnomer. When you’re driving your car to work every single day. When you’re in the shower, not thinking and just washing certain parts of your body. That’s like a hypnotic state. So all we’re really doing is getting you into a focus in deeply relaxed state. So you can clear out all the noise and you can focus on your subconscious mind. That’s it. All I’m doing is putting it there’s no like, you know, fall asleep. You’re going to none of that. It’s just you get into deeply Be relaxed state so we can we can access your so
I thought it was like what the hit the little, whatever the thing is the watch. No metronome. Cool, Brad. Well, I mean, we’re coming up on the hour, I think I think is good place to stop. And I will guys, everybody that’s in the investors, right mastermind our group is I want Brad, I want you to come back every month where you can kind of if you’re open to that, and just keep giving us gems, and my goal, Brad is to spread your message to because I, my my, what’s it called? The mastermind that making, I want to put experts in front of everyone that they normally wouldn’t be able to get in front of ads on be able to push them to, to you. I mean, just today, Genie, you can you know, you can work with Brad if you need to. I mean all of us can. So
I was actually looking, I needed a hypnosis session, like a month ago, and someone introduced me to someone where I wanted to do hypnosis that it was it’s turning out to be more like more NLP. It’s with the head of the NLP of New York group. And yeah, so I’m not really resonating with it well, so I’ll definitely be in touch.
Okay, sounds great.
Yeah, so I appreciate you being there. Here. Brian. I think your message is sweet.
Well, Nathan, you’re an inspiration man. You are You were one of the true like givers you are working. I can see how hard you’re working to make your you know your students successful. So if I can help but I tell you, this is a huge part of it. Let me tell you that because what really what is success, right? Success isn’t making a bunch of money. If you think success is making a bunch of money. Look at Michael Jackson, look at prints. I could go on and on and on all these people who had millions and hundreds of millions of dollars, and they’re dead because they were miserable. So the greatest thing is happiness and freedom. And the only way you can get freedom is through self love and self compassion by turning around these untruths that we tell ourselves every day.
Amen. I think that’s I agree with you. And it’s true. Like, like me, the driver and your driver. It’s not money. It’s like influence, right? It’s a premium message impact. There you go. Does anyone have anything left to say to Brad they want to have before we head out?
I do? How do you what’s the best way to get a hold of you then Brad just through Facebook or
Brad chandler.com. You can schedule a call with me there and I do social media posts every single day of the year, probably miss five total in like two years. If you go to Brad channel.com forward slash contact. It has all my social media platforms.
They’re awesome. I just need to help with procrastination and getting a focus and things like that in my life. This is Brandy.
Brands work. Yeah, so what also do is in the discord I’ll put your contact info any contact info you want me to put Brad I can put it near your
Brad Brad chandler.com Email us by the way that contact form has every amigo is even got my cell phone number. So if you need help, call me so I’m here to help.
So the best way again is just through Brad chandler.com.
That’s it. Yeah, for slash contact has everything my cell phone, my email, all the social media sites. It’s a link tree. Link.
Okay. Brad chandler.com forward slash contact? Yep. All right, Brad. Well, hey, well,
can I just ask one question? If you have like the 10 second answer. So what’s your take on like the disorganized papers?
You know, I don’t know that I. So if you look at my desk at work, I’m pretty disorganized. I don’t know that you we can tie that back to any childhood untraced or anything like that. I think some people just are neat. Now, if you want to go the other side of that perfectionism, people like, Oh, I’m a perfectionist and people like where that was a badge of courage. No, it’s no good, because all that is is trying to prove like you’re perfect and prove that you’re enough. And so yeah, that’s it. That’s a great question, but I don’t think
ou go, thank you. All right, everybody. Well, that was awesome, Brad. We’ll see you next time and then all your contact info. So catch you guys later. And we have one other call later today. So see you guys there.
Thank you, Nathan. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Bye. All right. Yeah, that was crazy. Dude, Brad is the man
